Rant: DMV

Standard pissed off blog post about the DMV.

If your having a nice day don't continue reading.

So my co-worker and I took off early this Friday afternoon to go get some Virginia DMV work done. He needs to get a new ID to be able to drive in Virginia, as he has recently moved from out of state and I need a new ID period... Turns out I don't look the same as I did when I was 15, which was the last time I had my picture taken for a license.

My buddy and I are both marginally passifist-anarkist-libertarians... which generally translates to "thou shalt despise thy bureaucracy, and thou shalt blog about it when thoust encounters such filth" in layman’s terms.

Any, as a side project (and I probably should be even mentioning this, oh well I wasn't going to be elected to office anyway) I'm trying to get a new ID without having them destroy my old one. I mean my little brother doesn't look at all like me but the boy is locked in a town with nothing to do all summer and I figure the least I could do for him is to drop him a fake. So I was in the line with all my documents.. Crap I'm getting ahead of my self. It seemed like there wasn't a line but it was dirty trick. The line to get a number was very short. Crafty bastards.

I got to the front of that line and the lady, who barely spoke English, grunted at me that I needed two forms of ID to get a new ID. How twisted is that? So, (pause) if I lost my ID... let me get this straight, I would need two forms of ID to get a new one. I should preface this. Maybe normal people have a goggle of ID's with them from time to time but myself, and apparently I'm alone in this, I seem to be a little on the needy side when it comes to self-identification.

I have my Birth Certificate. My Passport got stolen and beyond that... boy things start looking grim. As I mentioned before I am a pacifist (of the political nature, won't think twice about a street side brawl) which pretty much negates all military ID's... Guess I'm just royally chastened...

There is another form of ID you can use, and you'll love this. Official College Transcripts. ... What the $%@&*? Yes ladies and gentleman, finally Marx is making an appearance on my blog. Talk about class segregation!! If you didn't get a college degree... and bring your Birth Certificate you would very soon find yourself face to face with a blond-Russian-female-mid-life-crisis who is grunting negations at you as you pee yourself with a lost prospect to visit a pub that night. Meanwhile your left in the cold as you attempt to penetrate her impermeable charm shield. Damn you invisible charm repellant!! … Nothing can save this bitch from her own depression... not even free sex.

Fortunately I was lying, and I will totally be able to go to the bars tonight because I totally did not loose my ID. (caveat: Lil' Bro, you owe me big, you sent a libertarian to the DMV, that's like forcing Kert Cobain to watch the Golden Girls) .

My buddy, on the other hand, waited through the choose-a-number-baloney and finally got to speak to a tenant in person, who oddly reminded me of a toad who was five years out from a break-up that ruined his life. The tenant send my buddy away for not having proof of residence, even though he had a letter issued by the DMV that was sent to his house in Arlington, Virginia (his residence).

At least their competent enough to not trust themselves. They know what's up. The DMV is a cluster fuck, and the only way through it is to get drunk and bring porn, cause it's going to be a while.

I will go this far. Airport security is run better than the Arlington DMV. … tax dollars?